Superpowers

I wish I had some superpowers. I was thinking about that the other day. Maybe quit comedy, fight some crime. Everybody wants to fly. Thats the number one power. If I could grant you a power, Dane, Id love to fly. Yeah? Who the fuck doesnt. Who doesnt want to leave the show tonight and be like, Alright Ill catch you guys later.*Shwwooosh* and zip up into the skies. I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendor. Id love to shoot a laser out of my cock. And when Im empty my balls glow. Low fuel. Balls are empty. You know what Id like to be able to do more than anything else? Id love to be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. *Pppthhh.* Cause no one wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If Im on a date with a girl and shes very rude Ill be like, you know what? *PPpptthhh* Enjoy your spaghetti youre very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, cause youre rude. *Pppttthh* These are all dreams. These are all things we want to have. (To man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would you want? Anything right now? Dah, Jesus. You want to be Jesus? God youre such an egotistical prick. He thinks hes Jesus. Ah, Jesus. Id love to cover him with spaghetti right now. *Ppppttthh* Enjoy your spaghetti, youre very egotistical. Ahhh, Christ. *pause* (to man in audience) Not you.